Some days, the office I work in reminds me of public transportation. So many different people, so many interesting smells.
The most common one I smell all the time, now, is scented hand sanitizer. They use to have that subtle odor to it, now it’s perfumed, Lavender or something. For those who are not knowledgeable about hand sanitizers, it’s a liquid/gel compound that evaporates on you hands after massaging them. It’s just another consumer product that feeds the economy, because God forbid, soap and warm water wasn’t good enough. This makes SURE you don’t have any germs on you. Or three feet from your cubicle for that matter, because the smell alone is a deterrent for germs to even THINK about coming near you, hence the lavender smell. I refer to this as ” The Second Washing”. What I find hilarious is when someone has a big bottle of hand sanitizer at their desk, and uses it on a continuous basis, when, no one else touches that desk. For an entire week, I couldn’t figure out where this smell was coming from or what it was. I thought it was another neighbors cheap cologne.
Cheap cologne is another olfactory offender. I call this “The Cologne Wars”. People think it’s wise to pour on gallons of this stuff, and refresh during lunch hour. I even knew of someone who had a emergency stash in their drawer. Studies have shown that it creates more of a hostile work environment when everyone wears cologne. I wonder if it’s a hostile environment because everyone thinks they smell better then the other person. Or they think everyone should wear the same stuff. When someone’s cologne is over riding theirs this inturn creates more hostility, for them to layer on more of their stuff. One person particular, I asked if he was trying to attract a harem, because all the women he walked by, said he smelled ”yummy.”
Speaking of smells that aren’t so “yummy”, we enter, the lunchroom. I have found people tend to have this strong need to bring in food that smells up the office, but they claim, tastes so good. Fish, seems to be the number one culprit. At the office I work in now, people don’t partake in this ritual as much. Once in a while, you’ll come across an undesired smell, and you aren’t quite sure how to take it. I’ve made the mistake of saying “Mm, that smells awful” only to find that the olfactory mistake was on someone’s beloved family recipe. Putting more salt in the wound, they mentioned that it was not only a family favorite, but it was Grandma’s family favorite. She made it every sunday until the day she died. So today, is the anniversary of her death, and they are eating it, in memory of Grandma. I wanted to ask if it was grandma.
Those foods that make a lasting impression on the mind, and in the room. Like, leftover pizza on Friday, that no one wants to take out, so the whole break room smells like rotten milk and feet. Mmm…..I dread when we have pizza on a friday at work, because that’s exactly what happens. The trash doesn’t get taken out, and you get to smell that pleasant “Old roommate that doesn’t bathe” smell for the next two days.
It reminds me of that great day, of our office’s anniversary, when they decided to have chili. It smells good in from a distance, and when you get closer, and been around it for a while, you either want some, or you don’t. I don’t, because I call it the “Pre-gas smell.” You get a hint of what it’s going to smell like when it’s done processing through the body. I think that’s one of the deadliest things anyone, can think of doing, is having Chili, or any kind of bean substance for that matter, in an office.
I inquired with my next door neighbor over the wall, about this one. “We’re having beans? In an office environment?” She looked at me, and I looked at her. We both confessed we didn’t like chili and not for that reason.
One of my naive co-workers didn’t get it. “They could take Beano.” I just looked at her. “Oh, I’m sure two hundred people will have Beano inside their desks.”
Seriously, what were they thinking. Chili, in an office environment, on a Wednesday?!
I was just lucky I had the next two days off from work.
I kept checking the local news on Yahoo to see if our office blew up from increased flatulence.
I didn’t even want to think about going near the smokers area. This was before I knew about Mr Flatulance and Mr Hand Sanitizer. If I knew about them DURING this event, I might have never returned.
