The Albino Black Spider

Rumors are not my forte’.  I hear something, I either, one, difuse the bomb from my end of the string, or go directly to whom the rumor is about and ask them indirectly.  I normally call rumors “getting it from the horse’s ass” because getting it from the horse’s mouth, is, getting the truth.  Getting it out of their ass, is getting a chewed up, digested end of the truth.  You know it came from the horse.  Its just, that version of the horse is more readily easier to find, easier to mulitply, then the actual horse itself.

I once found out, a woman I worked with, was pregnant.  Well, by the time I found out she was pregnant, she had already had the baby and it was now five months old.  Same goes for my family telling me about having little cousins.  By the time I hear about it, they are starting kindergarden.  That’s one lesson I have learned, to not believe everthing I hear.

Another time, someone had told me a co-worker got accepted for a job offer they wanted to get into for the longest time.  When I turned to congradulate them, I had found out, that very same day the news was given to me, that they were turned down for the promotion.  Not only that, it was their last day and they were transferring out of state. Either the telephone lines were crossed somehow and I have a bad connection, or someone was playing an awful trick on me.  That last part, usually happens.

There was another instance where I had worked with more then one person with the same name.  True story, I worked with ten Christines, all spelled differently, in one of my old stores.  Once again, I went over to the Christine whom I had learned was going to be leaving our store.  I told her I’d miss her, only to find out, she was trying to leave and was denied transfer, and it was another person, in another dept, that had left, two weeks prior.  The sad thing was, their name, wasn’t Christine.  It was Crystal.

After a while, I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut, and to not ask questions to the horse where excrement’s of their ass is being spread around for office fertilizer.  Avoiding this, is not always as easy as it sounds.

Like the Albino Black Spider, reining terror in the women’s restroom.  By the time it got to me, that thing had grown three inches bigger, and surprised Miss Muffet sheeting her curds and whey.  This was when I worked in Bank of America building, and decided, for a week, to use the bathroom on a different floor, and not on the floor of where I worked at, all because, there was a giant, albino, spider.

One day, I had no choice, but to use the bathroom on the same floor.  Upon turning to leave, a coworker had came in, and let out a blood curdling scream. Low and behold, there was a spider, on the wall.  I walked up, closer to it, examining any discriminating marks, that would make this one more dangerous, then any other spider out there.

This guy was big, I’ll admit that.  The leg span was smaller, then how the girls were describing it to me.  They were giving him six inches wide, and I was giving him an estimate of three inches in circumference.  Big difference.  I looked at that spider, and thought, what a peculiar looking spider.

It was a black spider spider all right.

He had a smudge of white paint, on his thorax.

How that paint got there, and how he managed to get to the tenth floor, is beyond me. And how they got, “White spot on a black spider” into a “Albino Black Spider” will still baffle me to this day.

Lucky for me, it wasn’t a giant albino black spider.  The walls in that resteroom were white.

 

So, instead of calling rumors “the excrements of the horse’s ass”, I call them “Albino Black Spiders.”  Its easier to say.  To me, its that one speck of truth, that human fabrication, that creates a monster.